60 Things to Say to Someone Who Gaslights You

Gaslighting is a bad character trait regardless of the circumstance or who it is from. We all feel bad when someone tries to gaslight us.

It is awful to know that someone is trying to question your judgment or intuition about a matter. Whether it is a partner, classmate, colleague, superior, parent, or sibling, gaslighting comes in varying forms and oftentimes they leave us wanting words to respond.

I have been in countless situations where the person’s position and how it concerns me just leaves me speechless. That’s typically what gaslighting does.

If you have been the one to not respond in such situations or probably rarely have the right words to say, this article has 60 responses that you can use to gain dominance and make the fellow gaslighting you rethink.

You are going to find that they are useful regardless of who is gaslighting you even though some may have specific usage.

60 Things You Should Say to Someone Who Gaslights You

Here are 60 good suggestions for things to say to someone who is trying to gaslight you:

1. Whether or not you agree with me, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t judge my opinion. They’re mine and are not supposed to be debated. Just like you have got yours and I do my best to respect them, I would love to have my opinion on this matter respected too. And that is not too much to ask
2. Your comments might have been a joke but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t speak to me that way. I have feelings too and some of the things you say hurt me in ways you cannot imagine. It is even painful when you try to act like I should control how I feel when you do not control how you talk
3. Your behavior is a reflection of your choices or the kind of person you are, it has nothing to do with me. There’s nothing I do that validates the things you do. You cannot behave differently from your thought process so I am not surprised. I now know what goes on in your head
4. I’m not comfortable with your actions and I’m telling you not just asking you to respect my boundaries the way I respect yours. You can’t claim I have not respected your boundaries so it is not out of place for me to ask you to respect mine
5. I appreciate the fact that you love me, but that is not how I want to be shown love. I deserve better and have the right to let you know how I want to be treated in this relationship. So, if you are not willing to do that I guess we know what to do
6. I’m sure you’re not the only problem in our relationship as we both contribute to what happens. But we both have to be willing to change to make things better. We are in this together and our actions and inactions are contributing to the issues we face. Us, you and I.
7. I’m willing to take responsibility for my actions, but I ask respectfully that you don’t pin your responsibilities on me. Maybe if you did, we can begin to create solutions
8. I think it is better you speak for yourself and not for others because I found out that only you think I’m a difficult person. That alone makes me question your judgment and even now, I am sure there’s everything wrong with what you are saying
9. Why don’t you agree to the fact that you contribute to the problems we have and not just me? Oh, I forgot. You are all perfect and there’s no blemish in your character
10. I understand you disagree with me. It is just that I see things differently and if I am wrong, I would love it if you told me with meekness and not this self-imposing righteousness
11. It’s clear that we remember things in a contrasting way. Why don’t we agree to disagree then?
12. I appreciate your perspective, but it just doesn’t sit well with me. You shouldn’t try to force it on me either
13. Everyone makes mistakes, not just me. We can find a way to fix it and not just point fingers
14. You cannot mention a time when I took how you felt lightly. I’m entitled to my feelings and opinions and I do not appreciate it when they’re dismissed. Except you are willing to understand my feelings and not throw them out the window, we are not having this conversation
15. I really do trust my memory, so if you say this never happened then that would be a lie like in this case.
16. I have my ideas and also concerns that are worth considering, so that makes me a good enough team player. However, if I respect yours and you do not consider mine, this can’t work
17. I do not like the tone you use when speaking to me, so I’m going to step away from this conversation as it is obvious I’m not needed here. When you need me, you know where to find me, and do not bring that tone along
18. You could at least start with what I did is wrong and I’m sorry. Instead of being so defensive and rude.
19. I am more than enough for this role and I’m so sorry you don’t see the good in me. That’s your loss. If you no longer want me, it is fine. I could tender my resignation
20. I feel like you are trying to make me bait and looking for a reaction. Well, I can easily call your bluff now and won’t be giving you the pleasure of seeing me react
21. I’m open to finding a solution with you, nevertheless don’t try to discredit how I feel. That is the first step toward the solution we need
22. You can gaslight me into doubting my truth. But the question you should ask yourself is, how long would you keep getting away with it?
23. It’s fine for me to bring up concerns so that we can talk about them and that doesn’t make me crazy. It means I care about this relationship so much to be willing to work things out
24. You couldn’t do the job because it isn’t easy. Why can’t you support me for at least trying to do something that was so difficult for you to do?
25. I refuse to be treated like I am worth nothing to anyone because as a matter of fact, I know I am worth so much. If you don’t see or know how much I am worth, I would rather go where I am valued
26. I see exactly where you are playing at. But I refuse to be a victim of that. You won’t play that emotional game on me. It is depressing to even think you’ll condescend to gaslight me
27. I have noticed that you try to question my memory whenever we disagree and this is because I refuse to be like you. In my head, once someone apologizes for a wrongdoing, it is gone. But with you, there’s always a book of remembrance
28. No matter how many times you say that, it has not changed what happened and it will not change what happened. You have to either embrace it and move on or keep sulking. As for me, I won’t be tolerating that narrative anymore
29. Is this what you resort to when you do not agree with someone? Gaslighting? Or you don’t realize that’s what you are doing right now?
30. Sincerely, this is the most unproductive conversation I have had in a long time. I suggest we talk about something thing else or just stop talking entirely. Better still, we can talk about it without you gaslighting me. That works too
31. I can see that it is never possible to rectify issues alone, so I suggest we see a counselor as I can’t continue being a victim of this.
32. I accept the fact that I’m not innocent, but this isn’t about my past choices. It is about the choices you choose to make this time. Yes, I was wrong in the past but you are wrong now and that’s the problem
33. It’s clear that you’re not willing to take accountability for your actions and that just shows the kind of person you are. Someone who’s not willing to be accountable is not someone I want to be with
34. I’ve seen you being nice, I’ve seen you be patient, I’ve also seen you communicate properly with other people and I believe you can do that with me as well. I should be the first recipient of all these and it makes me wonder where the problem lies
35. Can you provide proof of when I supposedly did that? If not, let’s kindly stick to facts. While we are at it, your tone could decide if we come to a resolution or not
36. You claim I am blowing things out of proportion. Well, I do not think I am instead I think you’re minimizing the gravity of what you did. What you did was serious but who’s at fault, me? Yes, me, for trying to show you the impact of what you’ve done
37. I understand that this may not seem serious to you, but it is important to me. For now, I will be selfish and your gaslighting won’t deter me. We are not ignoring this issue. It is either we find a solution or say goodbye to whatever we thought we had going
38. Everything that happened was so hard, but I’ll turn that around and make things good for myself. You don’t need to know what I plan on doing. I don’t want you gaslighting me about it like you are doing now
39. I refuse to allow myself to turn into a copy of you. I choose to stay away from your toxicity for my own happiness. This negative energy and aura you always have when we are experiencing a little turbulence is maniacal and I won’t have any of it. Not anymore
40. I’ve learned how to play dead emotionally whenever I have to deal with you. I know it is a problem. You are turning me into something I never wanted to be and I can confidently say you’ve become unhealthy for me. This is not somewhere I want to stay. It used to be home but it is not that anymore
41. I will not be engaging in any conversation that makes me feel belittled and not appreciated. I have handled such from you for way too long. It is almost looking like I am the problem but I never face these issues with any other person.
42. I am learning to prioritize my own emotional well-being. So, yes, as a matter of fact, I am setting the necessary boundaries. You may not like it but then if you want to continue gaslighting me, you shouldn’t be surprised when I make these moves. I am done entertaining your excesses and belittling
43. Your words and actions do not correlate and that proves a very solid point here. You say one thing and you do the entire opposite. If you were a bit consistent I might have considered I had a problem. But your inconsistencies show there’s a problem you are either not seeing or not willing to accept
44. You say I need help when in reality all I need is someone who is helpful. I am grateful for noting that, at least, that’s one thing you’ve got right. For me, I guess I’d need to look for someone who’s going to help me and that can’t be you. I thought it would be you but I am surprised it isn’t
45. That joke wasn’t in any way funny to me. Do not try to say something like that to me in the future. Respect my boundaries just like I respect yours. I am sure you’ll pull the ‘I am sensitive’ cord if I tried that with you
46. I’m going to take responsibility for my part but guess who will take your responsibility, YOU because you had a part to play in it too. From the way this discussion is going, I am not sure you want to take any responsibility. I was wrong to expect it from you anyways
47. Nobody has the right to invalidate my feelings. Just because it is small to you doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be big to me. This is not just about me alone. You shouldn’t take how people feel lightly let alone try to downplay it with your gaslighting
48. It’s not insecurity when I have proof to support why I don’t trust you. So do not call me insecure. The least I expected from you was to ask how I could trust you again. That’s what I expected from someone who claims they love me. I know where your priorities lie even if you say something different
49. My perspective is also valid, though it is different I need you to understand it or there’s no point. You’ve probably not listened to or weren’t listened to while growing up. That’s not my fault. I am trying to make you understand that other people’s perspectives are valid as no one has a monopoly on thoughts and conclusions
50. Our views are totally different from each other, how can we go around it?
51. I understand that your intention was to make a joke but that doesn’t mean I have to accept every joke thrown at me. You wouldn’t be happy with certain jokes and I clearly understand that. It is important to me that you understand my standpoint
52. Name-calling will not be accepted here and I will obviously find it hard to hear you if you speak so loud. So, let’s not call anyone names that aren’t suitable and keep our voices down
53. This is me calling you out because I think I have educated myself enough to know exactly what you’re trying to do. You won’t continue to gaslight me and go scot-free. All of this ends today. You either learn how to face issues like an adult or we should stop seeing each other.
54. I know what’s best for me and I don’t think it’s you in this case. I wanted this to work out but if you keep gaslighting me, there’s no way it can work out. You are someone I love, someone I thought was the best for me, but your propensity for gaslighting me whenever we have an issue is not healthy and I can’t continue to condone it
55. I knew you were going to say that and I can’t force you to believe in my capabilities. I know what I can do and I do it to the best of my ability. Maybe I am not good enough or in your books, I fall short. It is fine. What I won’t tolerate is you looking down on me which you are doing currently
56. I think I deserve a befitting explanation as to why you think I am not allowed to make such an important decision about my life. It is not about being stubborn or not valuing your opinion. Just telling me not to do something I want to do isn’t enough to get me not to do it. You have to let me know why you think I shouldn’t and you’ll need to do it with empathy and calmness
57. I  know certain aspects of my life seem to be really slow, but that doesn’t mean you should speak to me in such a negative tone. I admit I am a work in progress. Thankfully, I am working towards being a better person. If you are not going to contribute to my journey, you shouldn’t say things that will deter me either. Support me or let me be
58. How do I make you understand that it doesn’t have to be about you being the good guy every time? We have to face these issues and conflicts. They are part of every sound relationship. What makes solid ones is how the parties can look beyond their feelings, trash their differences, and forge new paths for the continuation of their journey. That’s all I want and desire
59. I don’t see myself continuing this conversation if we cannot speak to each other with respect. You are an adult. You should know how to use your words and if you won’t do that with me, I will only continue this conversation when you are ready to
60. I will write this entire thing down in case there’s a misunderstanding in the future. And don’t call me childish or the many names you’ve become comfortable calling me. I am doing it because I need to remind you with clear details about some of these things so we can figure out where the problem lies.

Final Thoughts 

As you have seen, these responses for when someone gaslights you have specific usage. By that, I mean some of them can only be used in certain conditions.

So, you have to consider each response and when you can use them so you don’t say something in a situation that is unwarranted. I have ensured that each example in this piece is detailed enough so you are not in doubt about when and how to use them.

You can either use a part of the suggestion or all of it depending on how best it communicates your heart and the circumstance you find yourself.

Do not let anyone question your sense of judgment with manipulative words and actions. Gaslighting is bad and mustn’t be condoned.

With these suggestions, you will be able to clearly express yourself and not cower under their supposed dominance which is nothing short of a manipulative gesture.