When someone tells you, “You are not my dad” they are trying to tell you off. It could be that you are telling them what to do authoritatively only a dad would dare and that triggers them to make this statement.
It could also be a way for them to remind you that you don’t have the characteristics that qualify you to occupy the position of their dad. The word “Dad” or “Daddy” – as a slang – has also been known to be an affectionate term used to address a male romantic partner with someone who is romantically involved.
Hence, when a person says, “You’re not my dad” in that context, it means that because they are not romantically involved with you, so you don’t have any romantic influence over them.
Depending on the situation where you are being told, “You’re not my dad,” what would be the most befitting response? In this article, you will learn twenty (20) playful ways to respond to the statement, “You’re not my dad.”
I Don’t Have To Be Your Dad For You To Recognize That I Am The Adult Who Makes The Rules In This House, So What Are You Gonna Do About That?
Being a dad means being able to assert your authority over your home and ensure let the kids know that they can’t mess around as far as you are there.
That’s Funny, Cause The Last I Checked, You Can’t Do Anything About It.
This response is a playful way to let them know that they can rant but they cannot do anything about it.
Okay, Since You Want To Wear The Pants In The House, I’m Going To Be Forwarding The Bills To You And Every Other Responsibility You Will Take Over.
The fact that they are challenging your authority as their dad may mean that they want to take over such a position, who knows?
- “…I’m going to be forwarding the bills to you and every other responsibility you will take over.”
- “I don’t.”
Nah, I’m Just The One That The Sperm Donor Kept In Charge Of You Till You Become An Adult.
This playful response lets the kid know that you may not have biologically conceived them, but as far as their biological parent puts you in charge, you will act in your position as their dad.
You Know What? You’re Right. Let’s Go For A Dad Hunt And Find Who Your Real Father Is Then.
Sometimes, even when you are the biological parent of the child, they may just say “You are not my real dad,” because they are throwing a fit.
- “You know what? You’re right.”
- “I know.”
For You To Say That, It May Be I’m Doing A Shitty Job, So Tell Me, What Can I Do Better?
Nobody ever has all it takes to be the best dad, so this playful response is a great way to get feedback from your child on what you can do better.
- ‘For you to say that, it may be that I’m doing a shitty job…”
- “You are.”
- “…so tell me, what can I do better?”
Don’t Be A Sore Loser, Just Cause I Won Doesn’t Mean You Have To Throw Hurtful Words Around.
This playful response is mostly suitable when you guys are playing a game and the child acts out and says, ‘You are not my real dad’, just because they lose.
- “Don’t be a sore loser…”
- “I’m not.”
- “…just ‘cause I won doesn’t mean you have to throw hurtful words around.”
I Am The One That Will Put You In Your Place If You Disrespect Your Mum Again.
You may not be their real dad, but as long as you are married or in a relationship with their mum, you can use this playful response that is equally threatening.
Define real again, cause unless I’m delusional I think I am visible enough and not a ghost.
This playful response is an outright joke referring to the fact that being real means that you physically exist, and they referring to you as “not real,” opposes that belief.
You should have told me that before I took you fishing on my favorite boat.
This is a playful way to dismiss a situation when it gets tense. If it is said with the right amount of humor, it may get the kid to smile.
- “Oh man, you should have told me that before I took you fishing on my favorite boat.”
- (Smile)
I Am As Real As You Can Get, But If You Want To Go Daddy Shopping, Do Let Me Know.
Well, if they do not want you to be their dad, they may as well go shopping to get someone who will occupy the position of a dad and take over all the responsibilities.
You Have Gotten To The Age Where You Know Everything, Oh My, How Time Runs So Fast?
It only takes a minute for you to realize that the child you have been taking care of since they were a baby is now a teenager challenging your authority, so instead of getting angry, you can focus instead on their growth using this playful response.
That’s Not What The Adoption Center And Your Birth Certificate Say, But Feel Free To Argue With Them.
When you have legal authority over a child, it overrules all other authority and this playful response is the perfect way to express that.
Ugh Man, You Didn’t Say That Early Enough, And I’ve Spent So Much Money And Time Raising You, I Guess You Have No Choice Now.
Raising a child is not an easy feat as it takes money, time, and effort which is why when you have made such an investment, it gives you some measure of authority over them at least until they get to a certain age.
- “Uhg man, you didn’t say that early enough, and I’ve spent so much money and time raising you…”
- “Seriously?”
- “…I guess you have no choice now.”
Yeah, that’s right. I am your stepdad, but whether real or not, I am your dad.
You may not be the “real” dad but as far as you are their stepdad, it still makes you a dad and gives you authority over them.
- “Yeah, that’s right.”
- “Yeah.”
- “I am your stepdad, but whether real or not, I am your dad.”
Of Course, You Are The Dad In The Home, The One Who Pays The Bills, Buys The Groceries And Repairs Things Around The House.
This response is not only painful but it is equally sarcastic and aims to mock the child and make it obvious that you are the dad because you are the one that handles such responsibilities.
What Qualifies One To Be A Real Dad? I Would Like To Take Some Courses From You On “How To Be A Real Dad.”
Feigning ignorance on how to be a dad when you have done that most of the child’s life is a sarcastic way to respond to ‘You are not my real dad.’
- “Oh, what qualifies one to be a real dad?”
- “Well…”
I Have Told The Parent Fairy To Make Me A Real Dad, But They Didn’t, Probably Because I’m Not Cinderella.
This joke will probably have the kid rolling their eyes especially if already have the reputation of being the playful dad that likes to tell dad jokes.
- “I have told the Parent Fairy to make me a real dad…”
- “Oh no.”
- “…but they didn’t, probably because I’m not Cinderella.”
I Didn’t Know That I Was A Stranger, How Did I Arrive Here? You Should Probably Call The Parent Cop To Let Them Know There’s A Stray Dad On The Loose.
This playful response is a hilarious way to dismiss the comment ‘You are not my dad’, instead of reacting to it angrily.
- “Stop it.”
- “You should probably call the Parent cop to let them know there’s a stray dad on the loose.”
Nah, I’m Your Alien Parent. I Was Brought Here To Take Care Of You Till You Become An Adult Then I Will Go Back To My Planet.
What’s more playful than going with the flow and pretending to be an alien parent especially if the child you are responding to is an astrology lover?
- “Nah, I’m your alien parent.”
- “Oh come on.”
Wrapping Up,
Life does not have to be too serious all the time. So, whether the statement, “You’re not my dad,” was said seriously or playfully, your playful response will help diffuse the situation and could be a great way to progress the conversation.
